Home for life

5 Jun

For those of you who come here to read my ramblings about Peak Oil and permaculture and raw food and such like, I apologise for my parenting-focused posts of late. It’s just at the forefront of my brain right now, and for some (sometimes annoying) reason, I have no concept of privacy and always need to write my thoughts down.

Although it has only been 7 weeks since my husband and I separated, I am considering more children. I know, I know, but hear me out. I always wanted a big family. At least four children, thanks. Then I got pregnant. What followed was 3 months of hell as I spent seven weeks in hospital with severe nausea and vomiting. As in, all the time. It didn’t stop when I slept. I often didn’t sleep because it didn’t stop. For six days I couldn’t talk or move. It was awful awful awful. Although the severe nausea abated at 16 weeks, I continued to take anti-emetics for the whole pregnancy and felt mildly nauseous most days. It’s hard to imagine how it feels unless you’ve felt it, but it really is hellish.

So I am not in a rush to get pregnant again, but dangit, I love children! I love my little boy more than I can describe (how often have you heard that said?), and I know that there is also room in my heart for more children. When I was still married, permanent foster care or adoption wasn’t an option, because my husband could ‘only love his own children’. Personally, I don’t need to have given birth to a kid to love him/her. So foster care or adoption is actually a really appealing prospect for me.

Last year the NZ government announced a programme called ‘A Home for Life’, where children who can’t go back to their birth families are placed in a ‘home for life’. To me it seems like a different way of going about adopting a child, but I’m sure there are some differences that I’m not aware of. I would love to foster and then permanently care for another child. According to the CYFS website it doesn’t matter if you’re married or single, work full time or stay at home, own your own home or rent. If you have the resilience and love to provide a permanent home for a needy child, they will consider you. They offer financial assistance as well as ongoing support from a social worker.

I have more than enough room in my heart, and I’m sure my son would love a brother or sister. The idea of there being unloved children in the world has always made me incredibly sad. I used to want to start up my own orphanage or child’s refuge where I can nurture children who have been neglected. (I was only a child myself at the time.) I know it’s not easy to look after a child who has had a traumatic start to life, and it’s not easy to ‘get’ a child. But I have no doubt that ‘Home for Life’ or something similiair is something I can do. So I am seriously considering applying. I’d like to attend their seminars and find out more information. My only hesitancy is that I really love babies and I’m guessing they have more older children who need homes. I’m confident with babies but I’m not sure how to deal with older children who have been abused, neglected, or otherwise traumatised. But that is something to think about further down the line.

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